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Funnies
One-liners
One line. Then you turn.
One-liners
One-liner
I don't have a short temper. I have a quick reaction to nonsense.
One-liners
One-liner
I asked the librarian for a book on how to be more assertive. She said no.
One-liners
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My cooking is so experimental the smoke alarm is a timer.
One-liners
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I don't repeat gossip, so listen carefully.
One-liners
One-liner
I was going to quit all my bad habits this year. Then I remembered I don't like to start things I can't finish.
One-liners
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
One-liners
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
One-liners
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The shortest distance between two jokes is a straight line. This isn't one.
One-liners
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I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
One-liners
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Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
One-liners
One-liner
I told my plants I would water them tomorrow. They didn't buy it.
One-liners
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My favourite childhood memory is not paying bills.